But the problem is that you only love what you see and what you hear about me. But do you really know me like you say you do? What do you really know about me? How i giggle? What I say when I’m at my highest and lowest moments or the color of my eyes? Tell me please what you mean when you say you know me. Is it the fact that i wear flat shoes or the fact that I love my nails painted in a certain way or color?
But that’s not enough to say that you know me, that you love me. Do you know that I cry when watching movies? Yes? No? So yes actually I do. It’s something that just happens. Does that make me weak? An emotional wreck? But that’s just me. Do you know that I hum just to kill away silence cause it makes me feel uncomfortable? Do you know that I actually can’t stand straight like those cover models cause I’m still fighting for confidence in me and within me. Sometimes, actually most of the times it leaves me. Do you know that I have shaky hands? Caused my nervousness,anxiety, too much and lack of taking coffee? Or something in between.So tell me what is it that you know about me? Do you know my guilty pleasures? The most common apps I can’t live without? Do you really know that I find peace at 2AM .This is when i can collect my emotions and thoughts together where the silence of the night leads me to a safe place.I know I’m a whole lot of work but when you said you’re ready for us what part did you actually mean? Can you handle the fact that I’m a worrier, that I overthink things? That I notice the slightest change in someone. Can you handle the fact that I’m ‘bipolar’ that sometimes I get too happy and that explodes leaving me empty, in deep thoughts, wondering how things could be so heavy and so light all at the same time. Can you handle the fact that at times I’ll need you to leave me alone to my space and there’s times I would want you all to myself? Too much to ask? Do you still say you want me? You want us? Or you’re gonna give me the silent treatment and weeks later is when I realize that you’re actually gone. That you couldn’t handle it all at once. But have you ever asked how I actually do it? How i put it all together the mess in a pink dress, red lips and silver earrings? It takea alot more than just courage, patience and perseverance. This is what I was made to do, to not give up on myself even when you do, even when the world does.I have to be there for myself come what may. This is a journey I discovered not long ago but I’m glad i did. I got so much used to putting my happiness in other people leaving every piece of me behind when those people got tired of me until it had to take a couple of nights crying myself to sleep just to be able to redeem myself back. I always loved and gave my whole just enough for two lovers but unfortunately I always got the love back in doses. I let people justify my happiness, my worth, my reason for existence. I used to look forward to texts and messages and emails to a point where when I didn’t get them, it made me feel depressed asking myself where I went wrong, apologizing on your behalf. But I’m glad I outgrew that part of me. I’ve got to a point where you give me negative vibe or I feel like I’m forcing a conversation out of you, I block and delete the shit out of you.
I know my worth and I’m not going to accept anything less than that. I’m not going to burn to keep others warm. I’m not going to cross an ocean for someone who can’t consider getting wet. That girl is gone. She’s no more. She was sweet and fragile and naive and soft. The new girl is more like that too although too sassy and knows better. I think i like, actually I love her. She’s focusing on herself more and indulging on things that make her soul at peace. I love who I have become. I love the direction that I’m taking and I definitely love where I am right now. Please don’t give up on yourself, you’ve got alot to offer the world.
Yours,
Love and Light❤️
Being.imelda
being.imelda 