To all my soft people

People always told me my softness would be the end of me. That showing it would mean destruction, pain and hurt and nothing but unhappiness coming my way. “Grow a thick skin. Grow a hard heart” I heard this so often growing up that I simply took it for granted that anytime I grew hurt or upset by something people would tell me I’m oversensitive, soft and the world was simply justified in taking advantage of me because somehow I was allowing it.
It seemed like the crime was entirely mine for feeling too much. The crime against me didn’t exist because my softness was the thing that allowed it. So therefore, I should sacrifice my softness at the alter of my protecting my own heart, because there is no other way. Except…there is another way.
Listen to me soft people. Do not allow the world to make you hard. Do not allow them to turn you angry and cold just like them. Do not let them steal that goodness from inside you. You see the thing that everyone chides about you also makes you kind in a world that is rapidly losing its kindness. It allows you to see ailing children and the need to help. It allows you to see grief before opportunity. It makes you tough, tougher than the parasites who have long since lost their humanity to the idea of being superior socially, or gaining something monetary.
You are blessed, you are, because you have something other people have given up, little realising how precious it is. Your kindness is the most wonderful thing about you and it comes from the softness in your heart, from feeling too much where others feel too little, from noticing the things that other people just pass by. Your softness is an exquisite thing and one day you will find someone who celebrates it. Who fills you with joy about it. Who values your soft, kind heart. This is who you are, and you should not have to give it up.
Do not give up the flowers in your heart to replace them with stones just because the world is a hard place. The world is hard because it needs more flower hearted people, not more with hearts of stone.
Be the soft person you are. You are needed soft. I promise you, you are needed soft. 

Yours,

Being.imelda❤️

This is me letting you go

Dear Edmund,

This is me accepting that you’re leaving. It’s my acknowledgment that there’s no further argument to make, no angle left to take, no plea or bargain I could wager that could get you to change your mind and stay. This is my subtle resignation to our downfall. This is the crack running between our two hearts that turned into a valley and engulfed us. It’s my acceptance of all I couldn’t bridge.
This is me knowing that we don’t get a do-over – not on the last night I spent asleep beside you or the last time I told you I loved you or the first moment I felt us start to drift apart. I know we don’t always get second chances. I know I do not get to go back in time and kiss you slower, love you stronger, linger five extra minutes in bed every morning that I woke up beside you. This is me knowing that I can’t rewind history and ask you why the silent treatment . This is me knowing we don’t get to go back.
This is my acceptance that I’m going to miss you. That there are going to be nights where I curl up in bed with a novel and a warm mug of tea and your absence on the left side of the bed is a chasm that swells and envelopes me. This is the realization that missing you is going to become a second heartbeat in my body, strong and thrumming inside of every place where you lingered and then left. These are my weakened vital signs, beating out of sync with yours for a while.
This is my knowing life goes on. Knowing that someday I will not think of love as a feeling that’s exclusive to you and I, as crazy as that seems to me right now. That eventually I’ll meet someone new – someone who loves the foods you hate and laughs at things you don’t find funny and appreciates the parts of me that you once left undiscovered. That some days, in the early morning hours, I’m going to wake up beside them and forget – just for an instant – that it is not your body tangled in mine. This is me knowing that those moments will defeat me – that I’m going to need to practice standing at the edge of your abyss without falling in completely. This is my hoping the discrepancy shrivels with time.

This is my conceptualization: That someday I’m going to have a wedding and that you will not be there. That the ring that gets slipped on my finger will be picked out by somebody else and that the people sitting in the front row with eyes brimming and hearts bursting will not be your family members. This is my acceptance of the finite absurdity of knowing that I’m someday going to promise my life to someone who is not you and that I may even be happy to do so. That one day I’ll see changes and beginnings in a way I never saw them with you.
This is me knowing that we’re going to grow old. That your life is going to be huge and important and chockfull of love but that it’s all going to transpire without me. That I am not going to be there to toast to your 50th birthday or cheers to your timely promotion or crawl in beside you on the nights when the world’s weight is too heavy to bear. That your losses and gains will not be lined up with mine. That someday when you hold your first-born child in your arms, it’s not going to be me who placed her there.
This is me knowing that I have to let you go. That no matter how much I love you or how hard we work at this or how badly we both want each other to be happy, we are never going to be the right partners for each other. This is my acceptance that the best things are never straightforward and that I want you to take whatever crooked, twisted path you need to take if it will lead you towards your dreams. This is me knowing that I have to do what’s right. That sometimes the best thing you can do for someone you love is to let them go – to do more, feel more, be more than the person they ever could ever have become by your side.
So this is me unclasping my fingers.
This is my parting, my reluctance, my heartache and my final gift to you.

This is me letting you go. I believe it’s what you want but won’t just say it. I know I messed up big time and no words would make the situation look better. No amount of apologies will take away the pain you feel but I’m still sorry. You deserve better and probably and I’m not the right person for you but that is upto you to decide. Since you don’t want to talk to me probably this is the last time you hear from me. I won’t bother you again but I’m sorry and wishing you all the best life has to offer. 

Regards,

Imelda 

Don’t fall in love with me

Don’t fall in love with me, because I notice everything and overanalyze everything. I will be deeply aware of the smallest change in your voice, the simple tap of your feet, and the way your eyeballs move when talking to me.
Don’t fall in love with me, because I am not ready to commit. I’m not going to be ready, because I have walls greater than that of China with large blocks of insecurities, doubts, and fears.
Don’t fall in love with me, because I’m the universe’s biggest drama queen. You won’t understand why I am misty-eyed over that Nicholas Sparks movie I watched a week ago or why I am so happy to see a random little child smile at me on my way home from a stressful day at school.
Don’t fall in love with me, because I’m different. I wear skirts while everybody else prefers skinny pants and boyfriend jeans. I love large comfy sandals like crocs while everybody else wants to wear those sexy T-strap flats.
Don’t fall in love with me, because I can become obsessed with things. You’ll find me in the middle of the night researching the best mirrorless camera I can get on the market and you’ll be shocked by how I sometimes stay awake until dawn comparing Top 10 lists on the internet.
Don’t fall in love with me, because I’m the most heartless jerk you’ll ever meet. I have this speciality where I can tear your heart into a million pieces, just by using my tongue.
Don’t fall in love with me, because I get disappointed easily. I do not have high expectations, but disappointments still come and it sometimes leads to self-deprivation. You’ll see me lowering my self-esteem and not getting my confidence back.
Don’t fall in love with me, because I have a fear of the unknown and a fear of uncertainties. I overthink the future and you won’t enjoy staying with me once I start expressing my deep thoughts.
Don’t fall in love with me, because I’m strong and independent and at the same time crumbly and soft. Our relationship will be a long battle and I don’t know if you can remain calm and cool throughout that.
Don’t fall in love with me, because I don’t give in freely. Choosing to be with me will give you a lot of hard times and headaches, because I’m going to question everything.
Don’t fall in love with me, because I’m not pretty. I don’t have almond eyes, rosy cheeks, a pointy nose, and strawberry colored lips. I only have a broad forehead, a blemished face, and an awkward smile.
Don’t fall in love with me, because I am hard to be with. Don’t fall in love with me, because I am intimidating. Don’t fall in love with me, because I walk out when I’m mad. Don’t fall in love with me, because I am broken. Don’t fall in love with me, because I can’t sleep with the lights on.
Don’t fall in love with me, because this list could go on and on and on.
But if you do love me the way I am and accept my flaws, I’ll promise to love you with all my heart.  
Being.imelda❤️

I…..YOU

 

If I were to ask you what the three most powerful words in this universe are, you will probably answer “I Love You.”

And I would disagree.

I Love You – They make any relationship special. They make any moment so important. They make you feel on top of the world.

I Love You – What if I told you there’s something better? That there’s something more important?

I recently stumbled upon the wedding video of Colleen and Joshua. For a very long time, I thought I was the only person who believed in those words. Who knew how they made every other sentence in this entire galaxy seem so irrelevant. And then I heard Joshua’s wedding vows.

Because..

Love. He can love you and still not be with you.

Love. She will love you and still marry him.

Love. They love you but still won’t want you.

Love. It’s not the most powerful word.

Love. It’s not enough.

They still have to Choose you.

On your worst day, when you’re stuck with the flu and your loved one has to be elsewhere, it is not love that keeps them by your side. It is the choice that you are more important than anyone else. Because there isn’t a sentence in this world that will matter as much as – I Choose You.

I Choose You. In sickness and in health.

I Choose You. For better or for worse.

I Choose You. Since the day you were born until forever.

I Choose You. Despite your flaws and your shortcomings.

I Choose You. You’re not my best friend, you’re my sister.

I Choose You. You were a parent when we had none.

I Choose You. No matter what the world comes up with.

I Choose You. Despite the rest of the human population.

I Choose You. Even if she’s better.

I Choose You. Today. Tomorrow.

For the rest of my life,

I will always choose you.

Choice.

It’s everything. 
Being.imelda❤️

 

 

mother

 

How important can a three-letter-word be?

Mom.

She knew me when I didn’t know myself.

When I didn’t understand alphabets,

When hunger was an emotion and not a word,

When laughter was a face and not a joke,

When tears could mean anything,

When sobbing was a nightly activity.

Mom.

When school wanted to keep me away a few hours,

When I was but struggling to read,

When friends brought drama for free,

When boys developed a new identity,

When a bridge I crossed took her farther away,

When it was a struggle to not see her everyday.

Mom.

When life made me too busy,

When phone calls were made on necessity,

When a group of strangers filled up my time,

When she let me be and chose not to whine.

Mom.

When all my decisions went wrong,

When all my choices fell apart,

When love from him turned to dust,

When all I knew was not enough,

Mom.

When I was at my worst,

When I had given up hope,

When I had nothing but failure,

And she hugged me with love.

Mom.

She’s not magic.

She’s no superhero.

She’s a person

With never-ending love.

Mom,

It’s not just a three-letter-word.

She’s so much more.

Mom.

  
Being.imelda❤️

Fallen rose

I’ve come to terms with your leaving. I’ve accepted the fact that two people can drift to opposite sides of thinking, even after expressing emotions that sounded and tasted and felt completely real. I’ve learned that letting go is a part of the process, that sometimes we give our hearts to people and end up empty. And somehow, in the end, we’re still okay. We still find our footing. We learn, and accept both the lesson we didn’t realize we needed, and the blessing that comes in finding our way out.
And so, I’ve chosen to smile, even after losing you. Because I know now that one person cannot define my happiness. And as much as I want to harbor bitterness in my chest, that will only hold me back. And I’d rather be free.
I’ve decided to accept that maybe everything does happen for a reason, even losing you. I’ve decided to accept that closed doors lead to open ones. That pain creates purpose. That falling down gives me the strength to rise again. That the moments where I feel the most broken will show me the power in myself, in my faith that I didn’t know I had until I reached that lowest point.
I’ve realized that accepting ‘everything happens for a reason’ is not the same as writing off or invalidating my pain, or the pain of others. It is not saying that someone’s ache, someone’s loss, someone’s experience with death was simply ‘meant to be,’ but instead says that God is here, even in those lowest points.
His plan was not for us to end up heartbroken, watching someone we love walk out on us. His plan was not for our friend to take her own life, for us to stand helplessly as cancer spreads through our mother’s body, or to listen to the same song on repeat, longing for a different life.
The pain is a product of the world we live in, not our God. And so, to believe that everything happens for a reason is not to say that God is not in control, but to trust that no matter what awful things we experience, He will not leave us to fight through the pain alone.
Even in the toughest moments, God still has a plan—not for us to be in pain or to think that He is teaching us a lesson by taking people we love away—but for us to know no matter what we go through, we will still be surrounded by love and hope.
No matter what pain this life throws at us, our God is with us, guiding us, bringing us to our feet again, showing us how to move forward, to continue.
I don’t believe everything happens for a reason in the sense that we can simply say that what’s awful was ‘supposed to happen.’ But I do believe that everything happens to teach us, to mold us, to shape us, to grow us, to bring us to places that we never thought imaginable, to show us our strength.
And when I think about you and I, I’ve decided to accept where we are, how we’ve fallen apart. I’ve chosen to let go of you because I know I cannot change what has happened or the way you feel, and honestly, I don’t want to.
I’ve realized that maybe you weren’t meant to be more than a temporary blessing, a painful and necessary lesson for me. And maybe, in the end, that’s okay.
Because you’ve taught me to love myself, no matter how broken another person can make me feel. You’ve taught me to lean on my faith, even when I feel defeated. You taught me to show up for myself, and battle, and believe that I am worthy of the love I give to others.
And no, your leaving was not catastrophic, not like encountering death or watching someone I love struggle with the demons in their head, yet painful nonetheless. But maybe if I remember that God is in control, that He has a plan, that things will happen for reasons I might not understand—not because of Him, but because of this life—I can find the confidence to step forward. I can see His light all around me. I can let go of things that hurt, that defeat, that destroy, and walk with my Father, regardless of the circumstance.
Maybe if I realize that losing you was not of God, and not meant to break me, but to build me, I can decide to let you go happily, knowing that where I go next will be where I need to be.
Maybe if I choose to believe that everything is guiding me, shaping me, bringing me closer to who I am and what I deserve, I can let go of you freely. And I can truly free myself.  

Being.imelda ❤️

Wonderlust

I don’t want someone to fall in love with my smile, I want someone to fall in love with my tears, and the stories they hold. I want someone to understand the pain behind each tear and understand the tears behind each smile.
I don’t want someone to fall in love with my laugh, I want someone to fall in love with my silence. With the thoughts that haunt me alone at night when the world gets quiet and the room gets dark and my mind starts to wonder about all what’s wrong with the world, all what’s wrong with my life and all what’s wrong with me. I want someone to fall in love with the echoes of my silence.
I don’t want someone to fall in love with my face, I want someone to fall in love with my eyes, to see how deep they are and learn their secret language. I want someone to walk into them fearlessly and see the world through my eyes. See what I gaze at, what makes me blink, and what makes me want to close my eyes, but what I really want is for that someone to see how I look at him– how I lovingly look at him.
I don’t want someone to fall in love with my lips, I want someone to fall in love with my words. The words I speak so softly when I am fragile and the words I blurt out bluntly when I’m angry. The filler words I use when I don’t know what to say and the profound words I use when I am pouring my heart out; spilling all my secrets and slowly handing the keys to my heart one by one.
I don’t want someone to fall in love with my normality, I want someone to fall in love with my absurdity. My unusual quirks, my peculiar habits and my bizarre tastes. How I sometimes have unrealistic expectations and how I sometimes have idealistic dreams. I want someone to see the simplicity in my complexity and see the wisdom in my madness. I want someone to see the correlation in my contradiction.
I don’t want someone to fall in love with my beauty, I want someone to fall in love with my scars. Because it’s those scars that makes me who I am, it’s those scars that helped me realize what I want, it’s those scars that show that I’ve been broken because of love, and it’s those scars that helped me love again. Those scars are the reason why I can still love even if it hurts, they’re the reason why I’m still searching even if I’ll never find that special someone – those scars will be the main reason why I’ll understand his scars and I’ll know how to heal them and how to love them.
Because I don’t want to love someone who has never been bruised before; I don’t want to fall in love with someone for their beauty, I want to fall in love with what makes them beautiful.  
Being.imelda❤️

Hey you

hey,

You’ve spent so many years looking forward to this phase of your life. And it always looked so cool. So glamorous. So filled with love and laughter.

Yet here you are. With knowledge that it’s anything but.

It’s messy buns and messier lives. It’s baggy shirts and overflowing laundry bags. It’s a lot of work and never enough money. It’s freedom with responsibilities. And life is no longer what it seemed.

Different people are doing different things.

Your best friend’s getting married. Your old classmate is killing it with success. Your ex is happy in love. Your old mate is drowning in drugs. Different people are doing different things. But not you. You’re just existing. You’re getting through everyday a little better than the last. But then you have days where you can’t get up at all.

You spend your Friday evenings holed up in a corner because you’re too responsible to drink your night away. Too control freakish to lose yourself to someone else’s tunes. But somehow, this isn’t enough. This life you’re living doesn’t feel complete. Loneliness wraps around you like a blanket you love and you wonder where you went wrong. Why you became different to everyone else.

“Did I do too much too soon? Did I not do enough? Was there a reason why it was never me? Is this going to be the rest of my life? Alone? Unsuccessful? Filled with dreams that never come true?”

And your hands reach out to your phone. One text. One call. To that someone who might make you feel pretty. Who might make you feel important. And your need takes over.

The need to feel accepted. To feel appreciated. To feel adored. To feel loved.

And it is so strong, you forget your sanity for a few minutes of flattery. You lessen your worth for dishonest words. The hurt in your heart, camouflaged. If only for a few seconds.

But it’s never enough. And when you wake up, it’s worse. The hammering of your heart so loud in your ears. A memory of last night frustratingly haunting. Yet another mistake. Yet again.

You scream hateful words to yourself. When will I ever learn? You go over those messages. Those conversations. How you fell right back into a ditch when you knew better. Just for a moment, you wish you weren’t yourself.

And in that moment, read these words:

Breathe. It’s not so bad. You think I don’t understand. But I do. Because I’m there, too. I’ve made that call. I’ve texted that wrong person. I’ve woken up with regrets. I still do. I’ve felt the need to be held. I’ve felt that silent green monster towards a friend in love.
Yes, we all make those mistakes. And we all think nobody else does. But they do.

So please, don’t hate yourself. And don’t stop. Don’t stop loving with all you have. Don’t stop wishing on every shooting star. Don’t stop dreaming of fairytales and being as amazing as Malala Yousafzai. You might not always get there, but don’t stop.

You have so much left to do. You have a world filled with life waiting to happen. You have books to be read. Steps to be taken. Places to see. People to meet. You haven’t lived half your life yet. There’s so much ahead. And in ten years, when you look back, you’ll wish you were here again.

So don’t waste it wallowing in your own sadness. Don’t lose yourself to your self-pity and non-existent boundaries. Use everyday. And I don’t mean spend thousands of dollars and visit the North Pole. I know how you’re struggling to make ends meet.

Do the simple things. Stop procrastinating. Take a walk with nature. Go to the gym. Read your favorite book for the millionth time. Watch a movie. Write your novel. Sketch until you’re better than the best. Eat like you’re dying tomorrow. And most importantly, make mistakes. Your heart will heal. But today will never be back again. Don’t live with “Could-have-been’s.” Take chances.

And ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS remember – It’s okay to be alone.

There is time to let your life revolve around someone else. But today, let it revolve around you.

Not because you can’t find someone. Not because you can’t be loved.

But because you deserve to wake up with a smile. You deserve to live life. To make memories so wild, you’ll be the coolest grandparent they’ve ever known.

Breathe. It’s only your mid-20’s.

You’re going to be alright.

  
Being.imelda❤️

20 things i still dont know in my 20s

1. I don’t know what I want to do with my life in the long run professionally. Do I want to write novels? Keep working as a procurement officer?Create a brand? Or continue being all over the place and just doing what feels right in the moment? I don’t know if we ever will know for sure what we’re meant to do. I always hear adults say “I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.” Maybe we just have interests for a limited time before something new sparks us. Changing your mind is okay, it’s encouraged actually because when you grow your interests change and there’s nothing wrong with that so I’m just going to keep doing what I love for this part of my life and see where that leads.2. I don’t know how to properly care for my skin. I try, but barely. I never wash my face before bed, or brush my teeth before bed,which I know is bad. Basically the only time I wash my face is in the shower because it’s just a pain in the ass every other time. I don’t even know what face wash reacts what way with my skin because I never truly pay attention. I just hope for the best.3. I don’t know how to find the perfect balance between ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ Most of the time I say yes because I feel peer pressured and I cave, even when it’s something I don’t want to do. I usually say yes to everything and I think I need to start saying no more and find that balance between doing the things I want or just doing things because my friends want to. I’m an all or nothing person, but I think there has to be some kind of common ground.4. I don’t know where I want to live. I have no idea where I want to go or even how to settle down to be honest. Making friends after college is HARD, like it’s challenging to move to a new place alone and make friends. I tried it for a while, and I’m happy to be back with people I know and love. I’m constantly battling back in my head between finding somewhere new on my own or moving somewhere with a friend and lean on them as a crutch? I don’t know.

5. I don’t know how to budget money. Like, at all. I’m really bad with money, I don’t understand budgeting and I always waste my money on food and ice cream or shopping.I try to tell myself not to spend my money and in X months I could buy a plane ticket to certain places, but it never works because someone will call me and I’ll be peer pressured to go out.

6. I don’t know how to do my taxes. I don’t know why there wasn’t a life class in high school or college where they teach you valuable shit, I mean if we HAVE to take general classes then the least they could do is make them beneficial. Like how to manage money and do your taxes and take out a loan and real life things that you actually need to learn.

7. I don’t know how to open my heart to the idea of love. This is more so probably a personal problem because there are plenty of 20 somethings in love, but I don’t know how to be open to the idea of relationships. I’m so guarded and closed off to them that the idea doesn’t even strike me as a possibility. I’ve become so independent and reliant on myself that having another person in my life to rely on would throw everything off in my mind.

8. I don’t know how to fully love myself. But I don’t know if there’s a final destination with self-love or if it’s something we always have to keep working towards and working on because loving yourself can be hard.

9. I don’t know how to let go of friendships that I’ve lost. I have a really hard time of letting go of people I care about. It just really sucks when you planned to be friends with someone ‘forever’ then as soon as you move on you no longer become important in their life. It hurts and it sucks, and I’m still trying to figure out how to let go of that.

10. I don’t know how to start going after I want. Mostly because I don’t know exactly what I want, but I also don’t know how to turn a dream into a reality.

11. I don’t know why people stay in unhappy relationships in their 20s. I’ve never understood it, but especially in your 20s. You’re still young and there is still time for you to find someone who respects you, but people settle. I see it all the time and it breaks my heart to see people in dysfunctional, toxic relationships and decide to stay.

12. I don’t know how to accept things aren’t forever. That my parents are getting older, that my dog isn’t going to live forever, that people change including myself, that I can’t just run off to my college town every time I need a break. I can’t do these things forever and I don’t know how to accept that because as I’m growing older so is everyone else around me and I can’t take it.

13. I don’t know how to take my own advice. I can give out advice and truly believe in what I’m telling people, but I guess I don’t believe it enough to take the advice myself. It’s always easier said than done.

14. I don’t know if I want to buy a house. People ask me and I cringe at the thought of being a home owner, but I don’t know if that will be forever. I also don’t know how to even go about that. Part of me just wants to live in a tiny house, part of me wants to live in the country with a farm, and the other part of me just wants to be a gypsy and travel around for the rest of my life.

15. I don’t know how to let go of what people think of me. I try not to let it bother me, but to some extent it does and to some extent I think it always will. We all crave acceptance on some level because that’s just how we are. I have become better at knowing who I am, but I don’t know if I’ll ever get to a point where it won’t truly matter what anyone thinks and the hate comments will no longer bother me.

16. I don’t know how to forgive myself for all the mistakes I’ve made. Sometimes I still beat myself up for things I did in the past when I was young and stupid. I’m usually pretty good at letting go but sometimes it’s still really hard, sometimes I don’t even know who I was at that time in my life. But I guess that’s how you learn and how you grow.

17. I don’t know how to be okay with not accomplishing everything in my 20s. For some reason I’ve convinced myself that after 30 my life is over. That I’m old and my time to become “great” and “successful” is over, that I probably missed every shot I’m going to take. I know that’s not true, but I still am terrified of getting older.

18. I don’t know how to accept change. I like the be the only thing that changes and I know that’s not possible, but I want to leave and know that when I come back that everything will be exactly as I remember it. I wish sometimes I could go back to my college town and automatically have my house back, I wish I could walk into the bars and all my friends would still be there, but things change and when I go back everything is somehow exactly the same, but completely different and I hate it. I’m not good with accepting change because as much as I want to grow, I don’t want anything else to, which I know is completely selfish.

19. I don’t know why people are mean or why they try to drag other people down. I don’t know if I will ever know that though. I like to blame it on people’s lack of fulfillment in their own lives or their insecurities coming out, or maybe it’s an imbalance in the brain. I just wish that the world was more compassionate, that people would spread love and gave compliments instead of spreading hate and negativity.

20. I don’t know how to accept that I can’t do everything. I want to do everything, or at least most things, but I know it’s not possible. I can’t travel the entire world, I can’t see everything, I can’t afford to do everything I want to do and I need to be okay with that. 

 Being.imelda❤

Me before you❤️

 

You are the first person that enters my mind, on the days that I have good news and bad news. You are the only one who can understand me even if words seem to abandon my lips, even if I want to keep everything to myself, even if I refuse to open up to anyone. You are always there, patiently waiting, perpetually encouraging me to become myself again, and do the things that I love.

You have become the person who plays a significant part of my life. You have become someone I run into when my thoughts are killing me in the middle of the night. You have become the only one I entrusted my faith, my heart.

And I wonder how you’ve grown from a total stranger to the person I can’t live without.

I wonder at which point in my life I realized that you are more than just a friend to me. I wonder at which point I started to slowly fall in love with the way you walk, the way you talk, the way you smile, the way you look at me as if I’m always entertaining you. I wonder what have you done for me to believe in the kind of love that brightens up my whole world and makes me look forward for tomorrow. I wonder how our relationship has shaped me to become the best person for myself, for others, for the world.

Because loving you is so easy that I lost track of why, suddenly, you seem to be the only air I can breathe. And without you, I am lifeless.

Without you, I’m unable to find my purpose in this world. Without you, my nights are covered in darkness, with no stars or moon. Without you, I can’t remember who I am and where my feet are dragging me. Without you, my heart is blanketed with confusion, and my mind is dizzy with self-doubt.

And no one has ever made me feel this way before. No one has braved to take a risk, to come near me, and to actually get to know me. No one has made an effort to bring out my mega-watt smile by their witty banters. No one has challenged my beliefs and principles in my core. No one has given me a reason to take a chance on love.

You are the only exception.

You are the only one I instantly feel comfortable with. You are the only one I can laugh uncontrollably, without feeling self-conscious. You are the only one I can talk to for hours, and I will still not get bored.

You are the only reason why I still live, why I still hope, why I still hold on.

You are the only one I think about when I’m on the brink of giving up.

And I want to continue living this way. I want to continue living this life with you.

I want this relationship to go on, without an abrupt stop, without an end. I want to walk on this earth with you. I want to feel the rhythm of our hearts as we hug. I want to touch your skin, to hold your hands, to kiss your cheeks, so I can remind myself that what we have is real.

I want to wake up each morning, knowing that even if the world crashes down on me – I still have you.

I still have you to escape my worst days. I still have you to run into when I’m scared. I still have you to confess everything that’s inside my heart. I still have you to love me even if I turn out to be a huge mess.

I still have you. And to me, that’s already enough.
Because living with you is the best thing that I can ask for. 

Being.imelda❤