Letter to My future self

Dear 28-year-old me,

I hope you are doing well and have settled down with a good job. I hope you have found who you are and learned to love yourself wholly. I hope…

Bitch please.

Do you really think we are going to start this letter with all this wishful bullshit? We’re not writing another average dear me letter. We’re not being boring today. I’m writing to you because I want to remind you of this important stage of our life, that at 25 life has come to a point of no directness but you have stayed strong and given all what you’ve got. I want you to remember every single struggle we face, every tear we shed, every effort we make to overcome the disadvantages of our background and reach our goals so that at 28, or any year coming, you will be able to look back and see exactly how far we’ve gone, how tough we’ve had no choice but to become, and give ourselves the credits we — the kids that come from very little, damn well deserve.

Knowing us, I know you must have changed a lot. Because in only a few short years, as I was reading our old writing and note-to-self letters, I realized we have completely shifted our thinking and mindset. Back then, we were impulsive, irrational and lost. We were constantly obsessing about relationships and seeking validation from the people who meant nothing to us. We were so painfully desperate to be loved because we couldn’t love who we were. We had this vision of who we wanted to be but we never knew how to. The aftermath was inevitable — we made all sorts of mistakes and ended up paying a price we were always too young to afford.

The wonderful thing is that those mistakes, those scars, those suicidal thoughts and all the damn times we had to be our own hero and pick ourselves up, have given birth to this me and pretty safe to say, you too. Yes, I would be lying if I said I had no regret but it’s true that I’ve learned to accept the past and our wrongdoings because there’s really no point wasting our time otherwise. After all, they are our root and the thickness of our characters. They’ve guided us, sharpened us and narrowed the gap between who we are and the person we want to be. Finally, I don’t feel like I’m a fraud any more. I’m my own person and I can take good care of myself.

Today I have become very aware of my values and where I want to get to. I know I can’t have everything but I will make the most of what I could have. I also know it’s not going to be easy but please mark my words, I will make sure we try our best and never, ever, give up on our dreams. And you, 25-year-old me, listen. No matter how much you’ve changed and grown, you have to promise me one thing: never live life ordinarily. Never forget the passion that’s burning in your heart, your bravery, your rawness and all what’s beautiful about you. Never let anyone or anything take that away from you. Never be sorry for who you are. And stay focused.

There will be hardship. There will be obstacles. There will be days your mind takes you to a very dark place and you want to end everything but you need to remember that I have been there before. I understand it’s hard but look, I’m still standing, I’m standing for you so yes, you can do too. That being said, I trust you and I trust your judgements. I forgive you like I forgive myself because I know at any given time, we have made decisions to the best of our knowledge so there’s really nothing to think twice about. And after all, we’re only human. You have my permission to fuck up, to get tired and want to quit, to do what you want with your life as long as it’s where your heart leads you to.

Although I have taken care of most basic things we need, at this exact moment, we’re still in a haze about our future. However, I have a strong feeling that something good will come out of this. And even if it’s not now, we will make it happen at some point one way or the other. So don’t worry. Don’t take life or yourself too seriously. Have fun and enjoy every moment.

Your past loves you and I ask of you only one thing: stay strong and true to yourself.

Much love,

Me from 2017.

A letter to my 25-year-old-self

 

Dear 25-Year-Old Imelda,

You are officially a whole year older. How does it feel? I mean, you should be feeling fairly excited – you can legally rent a car now! Straight gangster, if you ask me. Plus, another year should mean additional amounts of wisdom, right?

At the very least, I hope you learn more. I hope you learn to take risks, and learn that failure is a part of life, and accepting that you may have failed at one thing does not mean you will fail at everything. They say that those that take the most risks are the happiest in their lives – so be daring and bold enough to pursue your passions. Yes, the ones that live outside of those office walls. Do not let work be your life. That’s what a degree is for, am I right?! But seriously, don’t resort to being the “good” girl – I can’t remember who said it, but didn’t someone say “all the good girls go to heaven, and bad girls go everywhere?”

Just remember though, just because you are another year older doesn’t mean you are by any definition, old. You are still extremely resilient. If this past year hasn’t proven that, I don’t know what will. And even though at times, you may find yourself realizing that life is not always how you pictured it, something better might just be right around the corner. Sorry for that slightly cheeseball moment, but it’s warranted, I think.

And I don’t think I need to tell you to love more freely. You always have been the moron to run in with your heart completely exposed. But be wary of those that will and have taken advantage of that. This year, don’t surround yourself with people who aren’t good for you. And definitely don’t surround yourself with people that aren’t good to you.

The struggle could not be more real, I know, but you do have a great support system of wonderful girlfriends and your family to fall back on. Let’s be real here, sometimes we all need a little help. And sometimes we need a lot. And sometimes we need a steady IV drip of caffeine.

Try and find peace in the little things. Try and find peace in those quiet moments where you are alone with your thoughts. I know it’s so easy to bring yourself down, but just don’t. Focus on the positive aspects of your life. Make 25 a great year. Remind yourself every day how lucky you are to have a core family unit that is nothing but loving, you have two amazing ladies in your life that have been your soul mates for most of your life, and at the very least, you have your senses, your limbs, and all of your abilities. Remember whenever you want to bring yourself down that there are individuals with circumstances far worse than you could ever possibly imagine. Pray for them, pray for your family, your friends, yourself. I know you’ve lost your faith over the past few years, but maybe now is the time to reclaim it.

Do not get bogged down by drama. And seriously, do your best not to create any drama either. Really, who needs it? You sure as hell don’t.

Find yourself in someone else – people always talk about losing yourself in someone else, but ideally, you should always remember who you are, and find someone that complements you. Find someone who has their own passions, their own interests, their own goals – find someone who lives out the meaning of independence on a daily basis. But know that you don’t need a man – or anyone, for that matter – to make your life complete. A man should just be the icing on your already delicious cake. God, did that sound sexual? I really hope not.

Do not be so quick to judge others. Just like you have your struggles, so too does everyone else. At the same time, don’t worry so much about others judging you. Haters gon’ hate, so play on, playa.

Go for zip lining. Come on, you and Wendy have always wanted to. Just go ahead and do it. #YOLO

Relax a little more. You don’t have to be on the go 24/7. Indulge in your guilty pleasures, and again, who the hell cares if people want to judge you for watching Nairobi Diaries whenever it airs?

Go a little crazy. I stress a little. Like I’m not talking about blacking out on the reg or going out pants less in public (even though you’ve thought about it, do not do this – unless you’re in a dress or skirt, obviously). Dance more, sing more (maybe not so much in public unless you’re at a karaoke bar), eat more French fries. Okay, let’s be honest, you’ve never been a fan of French fries, so scratch that. Eat more (and subsequently, bake more) chocolate chip cookies. Because again, #YOLO.

Make your 25^th year about you and less about other people. You will always have people that are going to love and support you. Be less afraid. Throw caution to the wind. And let’s carpe diem this year up.

Love always,

24-Year-Old Imelda

This is to the people who..

To the people who love me when I’m my most unlovable state.  I say thank you .

To the people who know me for who I am.EXACTLY  who i am, and still stick around. Thank you.  Thank you for seeing the cracks and bruises and choosing to stay.

Thank you for knowing I’m not always the person i pretend to be,and loving my roots. You’ve seen me at my most darkest,at my most troubled.When the mask dropped and the real me oozed out.And you told me I was worth it.You told me nothing changed. 

To the people who encourage my voice,even when it breaks,thank you. Thank you for reminding me that my perspective is important.There are days i stay silent and those when I have to speak up. You respect them both. 

I love you for that. 

Thank you for showing me the meaning of friendship,guidance and affection. You are the good in this world.You are the reason I’m starting to see the good in me too.

To the people that tell me it’s okay to feel too much, thank you. Thank you for understanding my sensitive heart and never telling me it has to harden. You let me love loudly and openly. You remind me not everything is supposed to fit in a box. Some things spill out. 

On even my messiest days you still care. 

To the people that hold me up when my knees give out and in start tumbling to the floor,thank you. Thank you for being my extra pair of legs when mine refuse to work. For letting me lean on your strength when I’m convinced the rest of the world want my face in the dirt.

Thank you for stabilising,for staying planted in the ground,for giving me a foundation from which to stand back on. 

Thank you. 

being.imelda❤