To my next one…

 

To My Next One, The One

This has been a long time waiting. I’ve had quite a bit of heartbreak and pain, mostly self-inflicted wounds on my way to you. I’m on pace to have the emotional endurance of Ted Mosby from How I met your Mother but it’s all been worth it. While most guys can’t stop thinking about who they’re going to sleep with next I can’t stop thinking about falling in love with you.

I’ve had to be patient on my road to you and that might be due in part to emotional setbacks I’ve had along the way. However, I smile at the thought of you having a beautiful voice, yet singing so bad in the car it makes our children giggle. I dream of moments where you can give me piggy-back rides on the beach. I dream of moments spent inside binge watching a TV show, I dream of shopping with you and being more than happy to go in the store while I try clothes on. I dream of summer days exploring and winter days snuggled up by the fire (although maybe still exploring).

I don’t know if we’ve met yet, or if you’re going to be coming in my life soon, but I know I already love you so much and wish we could have spent this time together.

I am so excited to go with you when I  get my  nails done and spend time with you enjoying the little things. If this journey has taught me anything, it’s to appreciate you and appreciate the little things. I long for the days you’ll bring me flowers home for no reason other than to give me  a reminder of your love. I long for the days where I get to see your beautiful smile and how it lights up my world. I long for the days to get lost in your eyes. I realize this might seem like a lot of pressure to anyone who is not you, but for you it won’t be.

On my way to you I used to think we’d be two halves making a whole, but now I know that you can’t complete me and I won’t need you to. Nor will you need me to complete you, and maybe that’s what’s taking us so long to find each other. We won’t be two halves making a whole looking for completion. We’ll be two wholes coming together as one rooted in Christ and I yearn to show you love the way Christ loves the church. I want to be a God-fearing, husband -honoring woman. That’s where I’m headed and I am now able to happily and patiently wait and be content with myself and life in the meantime. I don’t want to be anything less than prepared to love you the way He wants you and created you to be loved and I am unable to do that without being content with my own life.

I hope you like good morning texts, random love notes, and forehead kisses because I will be full of them. Not a day will go by where I don’t tell you how much i love you and how lucky i am to be with you , whether it’s you waking up with morning breath , or after you have showered, brushed your teeth, and gotten ready for the day. As we wait to be united I am doing my best to find and discover myself in the meantime and I’m finally having a blast doing just that. I’m finding pleasure in all the aspects that life has to offer, I love being able to put a spark of happiness in people and start a fire of joy. So many amazing moments await us and I know we’ll both be ready when the time comes. I used to think I would have a relationship like Pam and Jim, but I’m beginning to realize we’ll be more like Michael and Holly. It could very well take more time than we liked, but it will also be more than worth all of the waiting, the crying (maybe me more than you), and the heartbreak lessons along the way.

Because as I said earlier we won’t complete each other, but we will complement each other, whether strengths or weaknesses we will be ready.

We’ll be ready for what life throws our direction and we’ll find our strength and our peace in Him.

So, I say here’s to silly arguments and hot dates, here’s to every mountain we will climb and every sport we will watch, here’s to the good days and the bad days, here’s to grocery store dates when we get a babysitter, here’s to exploring the world with you and loving you as hard as I can, here’s to growing old with you and never letting go.

Happily and patiently awaiting your arrival: you’re my answered prayer and I love you.

Yours,

Being.imelda❤

Lessons i have learnt about love,family,life and friendship in my 20s

My 20s have been the happiest, saddest, proudest, humiliating, exciting, disappointing, and accomplished years. And I know that doesn’t say much since it only accounts for one third of my life, but so much has happened in the last ten years.  I earned a  college degree. I hit the legal drinking age but still didn’t drink. I fell in love. I met my best friend, my sister, my soulmate.

With the gains and accomplishments inevitably came my losses and heartbreaks.

Reflecting back on the last ten years of my life I can genuinely concur that life is a roller coaster; the most terrifying yet exhilarating roller coaster you’ll ever ride. Here is a list of 20 things I’ve learned about friendships, family, love, and life in my 20s.

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On Friends and Family

1. Let go of the people and things that don’t serve a purpose in your life. This will set you free. Seriously. Declutter your life of everything and anyone who does not make you happy or does not have a positive impact on your life.

2. Strip down and let your best friends see you completely naked. What’s the point of having best friends if they don’t know you inside and out? We have them so they can be brutally honest with us when we need them to be. So don’t hide anything from them. If we lie and hide things from our best friends they really aren’t our best friends are they?

3. Accept that you will lose people in your life, whether it be through death, distance, or just growing apart. It happens, and it will continue to happen. And as we lose some we will gain some amazing people in our lives as well. But never to replace those that were lost.

4. Don’t get caught up trying to change someone. Some people just don’t want to change their self-destructing habits or they just aren’t ready yet. And there’s nothing you can do about it. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Just accept that they will change when and if they want to and it is not your duty to change them, the best thing you can do is just to be there for them.

5. If your parents are still in your life, keep them close. Answer their calls, Skype and Facetime with them, and visit them as much as possible. Because one day life will rip them away from you and you will be drowning in regrets.

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On Love

1. Don’t hold back. As Rachel Platten would belt out, “Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out.” If you love and care about someone don’t bite your tongue because you’re afraid your rep or ego will be ruined. None of that matters. What matters is that you walk away with no regrets; knowing that you said what you felt without holding anything back.

2. Your heart will get broken and shattered into a million tiny fragments. It will hurt like hell but just when you feel like giving up on love…

3. You will love again. You may believe wholeheartedly that this person is your soulmate and that you won’t ever love anyone the way you loved them. This is true. Because you will love again but you will love in a much different way, much wiser and more sensible.

4. Love yourself before falling in love. When you love yourself first, you won’t accept any crap from anyone. You will know what you’re worth and what you deserve, so you’ll be much less prone to falling in love with some miserable prick.

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On Life

1. Don’t blame yourself for what happens to other people. People you love will die, get sick, and self destruct. There’s nothing you did to cause that. Thinking of and replaying every ‘what if’ scenario in your mind will only drive you mad.

2. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Everyone needs a helping hand and it is okay. It doesn’t make you weak, pathetic, or helpless. Do you think Oprah landed a billion dollars all on her own?

3. We will all experience some degree of Alzheimer’s. Memories get fainter as we grow older so write down as much as possible and capture as many pictures as you can.

4. Education, whether it be through an institution or any other form is of extreme importance for the well-being of your soul. Education doesn’t stop when you walk across the stage in your cap and gown and are handed your diploma. You must continue to educate yourself in some way, shape, or form. There’s an endless supply of knowledge out there so learn as much as you can.

4. There are way too many ignorant jackasses in this world; don’t be one of them. Don’t form an opinion on a matter you know nothing about. Do your research (watching one episode on CNN does not count) and then take a logical stance on the matter.

5. Your goals will change. You may find yourself almost at the end of a path you’ve been working on for months, or years even, and realize that this isn’t what you want. And that is okay! Through this journey you have grown and it is likely that your goals have changed because you are wiser and acknowledge that you are capable of accomplishing much bigger goals.

6. Don’t waste a minute of your life. Be productive and make every second count. Sure, you can take a break once in awhile. But don’t get yourself caught in a depressed rut where you don’t move or think or do anything. It’s a complete waste of time. And time is never guaranteed.

7. Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Bad shit happens to everyone. Not just you. Accept it, find out why (if there’s even a logical explanation), and make changes so that shit doesn’t happen again.

8. You can’t keep doing the same shit and expect things to change. You must make changes. You don’t want anymore black eyes from the fists of your abusive husband? Then make a change and get out of that situation. Don’t make excuses for why you can’t and focus on how you can.

9. Take risks and understand that risks and sacrifices are a married couple. You must sacrifice in order to take a risk. If you’re absolutely bored with your current job and know that you can make an actual impact in this world if you take the risk of going back to school for what you really want to do with your life, then understand and accept that you are sacrificing the economic stability of your current job. Temporary economic instability over making a difference in the world? I think not.

10. Keep growing and you will live with no regrets. I am most proud to say that I have never stopped growing. Sure my height stumped at 5’4″ back when I was 12, but as a person, I continue to learn from my mistakes, educate myself, and grow more each and every day. So keep reading, writing, researching, networking, falling in love, and educating yourself and you will live with no regrets and will be able to enter every new decade of your life with absolute pride, appreciation of the past years, and an eagerness to begin your next journey.

Being.imelda❤

 

For the girls like ME.

 

This is for the girls who run, who only let themselves fall partially, who push people away because they’ve convinced themselves they’re going to leave anyways.This is for the girls with the guarded hearts who have a difficult time letting down their walls and really opening up. This is for the girls who’d rather be alone because it’s become their place of comfort.

There’s a certain type of comfort in being alone. It’s become part of you. It’s become your norm. You know all you have to worry about for the day is yourself, you don’t have to worry about anyone else and their emotions. You don’t have to feel worried that you’re going to let someone down or that they’ll let you down. You don’t have to worry about not being enough. You don’t have to worry about being lied to or getting your happiness ripped away by the person you love because no one is in charge of your emotions except for you.

You are your own responsibility and you are the creator of your own happiness.

Then love comes knocking, someone tries to break their way into your cold, fragile heart and you consider it. You decide maybe it’s time to try to let someone in so you give it your best shot. You go to dinner, you let them kiss your lips, you let them say sweet things to you but you’re still not convinced. You’re not convinced this will work, you’re not convinced they’ll stay so you start to push them away.

You start to find reasons to dislike them and find things that are ‘wrong’ with them. You convince yourself they aren’t right for you and you push and push and push until they leave, just so you can prove to yourself that everyone really does leave, even though deep down you know it isn’t true.

Most of the time people in your life don’t leave by choice, they leave because you force them away because you’re not ready to open your heart and risk it breaking again.

You push people away because you’re scared, because you’ve been hurt before, because the person you trusted with every cell in your body decided you weren’t what he wanted. He left you shattered on the floor in pieces and that’s not something you think you’re ready to handle again, so you don’t even allow yourself the chance.

But life isn’t meant to be lived alone.

One day you’ll stop pushing everyone away and you’ll start accepting people for who they are. You’ll start to realize that not everyone wants to hurt you. You’ll start to realize not everyone is going to leave. You’ll start to open your heart to the possibility of romantic love.

You will find someone who wants to stay, who stays even when you try to push him away because he can see through the tough exterior you put up. He will stay because he loves you and because he can see you just need someone to prove to you that they won’t run away once you’ve exposed the deep parts of you. He will stay because he needs you in his life.

You will find someone who loves you just for being you and he will remind you why love is magic.

This is for the girls who have been broken but have found the strength to heal their hearts on their own. This is for the girls who run before even giving love a chance, the ones who shut their hearts off and convince themselves they’re better off alone. I understand you because I am you but one day someone is going to break down the barriers we’ve built around our hearts and make us realize why the best thing we could ever do for ourselves is trust someone enough to let them in because not everyone leaves and we all deserve to be loved completely. 

Being.imelda❤

I will be the one who stays

I will be the one who stays. This, I promise you.

I won’t turn my back. I won’t spin around and run like hell in the other direction. When our memories become clouded by arguments and our angry voices fill the air, I won’t imagine a life without you. I won’t pull away and retreat to an opposite corner. I won’t wish for anyone else.

I won’t leave.

Because I know that we are both imperfect. And I knew this wouldn’t be easy. I knew, going in, that we were young and restless. That we had dreams too big and beautiful. That we loved with too much of our hearts, but that’s okay. I wanted this. I wanted us. I wanted smiles stretched across our faces. I wanted laughter that hung in the air like a morning fog. I wanted the way our hands fit in each other’s palms, callous to callous, crease to crease, warmth to warmth in a way that just felt right.

I wanted you.

And I’m not just going to forget that when things don’t fall perfectly into place around us. I’m not just going to chalk it up to change, to growth, to time, to two people drifting apart.

I’m sick of the way the world loves now—like it’s temporary, like it means nothing. We enter into relationships with endings on the horizon. We make promises to one another that we don’t intend to keep. We hop from connection to connection, from person to person like we’re playing a game.

We’re supposedly ‘searching for the one’ but all we’re teaching ourselves is to find a way out when things aren’t perfect. We’re supposedly pursuing real love, but all we’re learning is how to leave.

But I don’t want that with you.

With you, I want the good days and the sh*tty days. I want the arguments and the raised voices. I want the stubbornness and all the ways we don’t see eye-to-eye, and probably never will. I want the contradictions, the inconsistencies, the hypocrisies.

I want to know you at you worst, at your lowest, at your most unforgivable. And I want to learn to love you anyways.

And I want you to know me. I want you to know how I bite my nails, how I lie, how I don’t always do the right thing, how I swear, how I’m shallow and imperfect and downright b*tchy sometimes. I want you to know my sass, my selfishness, the way I fight fiercely when I think I’m right, even if I know I’m not.

I want you to know me, flaws and all, and still find a way to love me and my mess.

Because that’s real love—loving someone for who they are, loving someone even as you fight and argue, loving someone when life is difficult, loving someone because you made a commitment to love them in good or bad, loving someone and not leaving when things get hard.

And so I promise that I’ll stay. I promise that I’ll be here. I promise that no matter what obstacles we face, I’ll fight with you and for you.

I promise that in a world where people leave, where marriages fail, where relationships break, where love fades—I’m not going anywhere. I told you I loved you, and I meant it. I’ll always mean it.

Being.imelda❤

THANKFUL

Thank you for being the most beautiful person inside and out. Thank you for making the world a better place just by being in it. Thank you for the laughs, for the smiles and everything in between. Thank you for all of the things you do, big and small.

Thank you for knowing my ice cream flavor and the kind of movies i would die for. Thank you for picking my calls, for your time and for always ready to give a helping hand when i need it. Thank you for calling my name withso much energy and for ALWAYS putting a smile on my face.

Thank you for always knowing what to say and for being one of my best humans.Thank you for making fun of me when i deserve it and for caring when i don’t deserve it. Thank you for staying constant in a world full of change and for keeping some normalcy in a world full of chaos. 

Thank you for making me hurt when i miss you but for taking the hurt away when i see you.Thank you for the absolute privilege and honor for considering me your friend.Thank you for chapo minji, for chocolates, for a thousand smiles, for your company, for your conversations. Thank you for giving me these reasons and a million  more to be thankful for.

Regards, 

Imeldaaaa.

10 life lessons in 30days

Over the past month, I have come to face a few harsh reality checks. This apparently is the first step towards entering the jungle called Adulthood. They drag you away from the world inside your head and suddenly, life isn’t all that fancy anymore. It’s difficult, sleep deprived and most importantly – ego killing.

These are the 10 life lessons I’ve learnt over the past 30 days of my life :

1. I am not the most important person in my own world. The people that help me pay my bills matter way more than I ever will. So if I don’t agree with something, it doesn’t matter as long as they do.

2. The world is not an oyster. It’s a fricking octopus waiting to grab you with all its limbs just so it could eat you up.

3. You think you’re talented? They’re going to find someone ten times better within the next two minutes.

4. There are a million others with the same dream. With that, the probability of you making it just become 1/1,000,000.

5. You’re sick? You’re upset? Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Awww, guess what? The world couldn’t give a rat’s ass. If you’re meant to do something, you better be doing it.

6. Adult relationships are tricky. If you’re both working full time, the amount of quality time you spend becomes so minimal that when you see each other, you want to enjoy it even though you’re dying to pick a fight about the number of days they forgot to text you.

7. You are lucky to be where you are. Blessed even. You’ve worked so hard to get here. Please know you will be replaced within mere seconds.

8. Every person has a story. Every person comes from a tragedy. If everyone wrote down their problems and put it in a pile, you’d grab yours back with lightning speed.

9. Love doesn’t come easy. For some of us, it’s right there in front of us and we end up living with the knowledge that it will never be ours. It’s just the way it is.

10. Nothing will ever come for free. If you don’t do what you’re supposed to do, someone else will.

And with that beginner’s course done, I’m officially terrified of what tomorrow will bring. As a child, all I ever wanted was to grow up. Oh, how I wish I could go back in time and tell her to change her mind about it.
Yours, 

Being.imelda

dear you

 

Dear You,

You’re probably wondering why I’m writing this. You’re wondering what could be so difficult to say in person that I have to write about it. You’re maybe even wondering why you’re the one reading this. But bear with me this once because I can’t explain clearly what I don’t really understand. Yet here I go, trying to do just that.

It’s been a year. A year since I looked at someone and thought to myself I think I have a crush on this guy. A year since I wondered what it’d be like to go on a first date again. A year since I’ve felt anything but love that terrifies your very soul. And I don’t really know how to do this. But I’m trying.

I fell in love. The crazy kind. I went on a first date. I felt butterflies. I texted all night. I giggled silly. I blushed through the day. I fell in love. And I had my heart broken. Ruthlessly. I told myself, “Never again.”

But then I fell in love again. The one-sided kind. There was no first date. There were no butterflies. I cried all night. I begged him to say Yes. I fell in love again. And I shattered into a million pieces.  Irreparably. I knew in my soul, “Never again.”

Dear You,

It’s difficult to rise from a lost love. I’m rising from two. I had the man dreams are made of and I lost him. I had the man I couldn’t stop dreaming of and I never stood a chance. You see, it’s not been easy for me.

But you know what they say. Time mends a broken heart. Maybe they’re right. For, I don’t wake up in the morning and think of him anymore. But somewhere along the day, I think of you.

I’m not in love. No. But I’m still scared. I have scars that run deep and a heart that’s healing. And I don’t know how to make sense of it all. I don’t know how to tell you of all the ways you’re helping me get better without scaring you away. I’m nervous, I guess you could say. But there’s so much more to this.

Dear You,

He said I have that look on my face. The one where he knows it’s your text I’m reading. We weren’t even flirting. But you bring about that smile I haven’t felt in a while.

And it’s not like you don’t know. I’ve said it in so many words and more. Yet it feels like there’s words to say that haven’t been spoken. Emotions that haven’t been felt. And I know you’re healing too.

But Dear You,

Waiting doesn’t help. Longing doesn’t make this better. You may think I don’t understand. But I do. I know this isn’t easy. Rebound never was. I know we both need time. Patience at most.

Patience to take this slow. Patience to understand. Patience to figure this out.

So I won’t ask you mighty things. I’ll ask you the simple ones.

Dear You,

Hold my hand. In the middle of road. In that all-too-awkward way.

Dear You,

Send me a text. In the middle of the day. And surprise me beyond say.

Dear You,

Catch my fingers. In the middle of a conversation. I promise I’ll blush all day.

Dear You,

Ask me out. In the middle of this sentence. And I swear I’ll say Yes.

Dear You.

 

THANK YOU

 

Yes, you. The one with dimples so cute, I knew I was a goner before it even began.

You. The one who made me laugh silly on dark days, I could feel my heart swoon all over again.

You. The one whose voice turned my world upside down. The one who made me realize I’d never felt this way before. The one who had me fall in love like I didn’t know was possible.

Thank you.

Thank you for constantly keeping me on the edge.

I was the girl you wanted to talk to. But never those three words.

I was the girl you wanted to kiss. But not the one you wanted to hold.

I was the girl you drunk dialled at midnight. And the girl you pretended to not know when the sun shined.

Thank You.

Thank you for not nodding your head when I cried my heart out.

You see, it would have been so easy. If you’d said yes. Your life would have been easy. Because I would have done everything I could to make sure it was. I would have stood by you during your pitfalls. Your tears  made me cry. Your laughter brought me joy. You were the centre of my universe. You always would have been.

And I would have been so lost in my love for you that I would have never noticed. I would have never noticed that anger you often can’t control. I would have never noticed the way you knowingly speak hurtful words. I would have never noticed that opinion you had of me when I wasn’t around. I would have never noticed the way I’d given it all up for nothing in return.

And when I did, it would have been worse.

Thank you.

I know you don’t get it. You think this is a hate letter. You think I’m sore and angry. But here’s what you never noticed about me.

I’m not that girl.

I don’t spread rumors about the boy who broke my heart. I don’t make snarky remarks just because he does. I don’t bitch about the one I love.

And I will always love.

It won’t be as overpowering as it once was. I’ll move on. With someone who makes me smile by just existing. And I’ll live a life filled with love and chaos with him. But ten years from now, if you decide to make me your one phone call, I swear I’ll come bail you out.

Because, contrary to what you so strongly believe, love isn’t an on and off switch. You don’t just fall out of love and go on like those emotions never existed. It’s always there. In the bottom of your heart. Buried under a lot of hurt and broken pieces. And I have learnt to live with that. I have learnt to dust off those extra shards of glass and pull my chin up. I have learnt to wipe my tears and make myself smile. I have learnt to love but know when to hold back. And I learnt all that without you. I learnt all that because of you.

And that’s exactly why I deserve better.

So Thank You.

For letting me have the ability to find someone who’ll love me for me. For giving me the time and the space to know who I was in your eyes. For forcing me into knowing how to take care of myself when everything within me is falling apart.

You.

I promise, someday, when I’m sitting on a patio surrounded by my grandkids, I’ll tell them about the guy who showed me what love feels like. And I’ll have a small smile as I remember the first time I found myself wanting to lose myself to that voice. To that laughter. To you.

And that’s who you’ll always be. A far away memory. Because sitting with me and correcting me as I spoke about our story will be the man I once longed for you to be.

Hence, my love,

Thank you.

For not saying “I love you too.”

Dear 15 year old self

Dear 15-year old me,

Don’t do it.

Don’t trust that boy in a broke-down car. The words he utters are not to melt your heart. It is to melt your pants.

Remember, his friends aren’t your friends. His friends are his friends. They will always be his friends. Don’t tell them secrets he doesn’t know. He will know.

I know your adrenaline’s pumping, but don’t sneak out that door at 2am. It’s not worth the trouble. Enjoy that beauty sleep while you still can. Adult life has a lot of sleepless nights in store for you.

If something doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. Don’t give yourself an excuse. Blaming your parents for your actions does not make them any better. You’ll wish you’d listened to yourself in five years’ time.

And even though it feels like it, you’re not in love. You’re seeing stars where there’s glitter. Love doesn’t come in crappy forward texts. It doesn’t bloom the moment his hands are where they shouldn’t be. Love isn’t an excuse to make out. He may tell you otherwise. Don’t let your infatuation cloud your mind.

Your parents aren’t your enemies. They don’t know how to handle this version of you but they’re still right. They’re not ruining your “life experiences.” Don’t alienate them. You’ll kick yourself for it later.

School is important. College matters. Don’t skip classes. If not for the lessons, at least for the memories. When your friends reminisce about them at 20, you’ll feel left out.

Don’t pick a date over dinner with your family. He’s not looking for a relationship. And it’s okay. He marries someone ugly and goes bald in seven years. You’ll be happier this way.

Pick your friends wisely. Don’t forget, the ones who love you will be honest about that skirt being a little too short in the back and his hands being a little too low around your shoulder. Learn the difference.

Your aunts aren’t the greatest. Your extended family isn’t royalty. But, on a bad day with no money, they’ll still be there for you. Don’t show off your unreasonable arrogance to them. They might forgive you. You won’t.

So you’re single. Don’t get a boyfriend because she has one. Having a boyfriend is not a definition of your beauty or desirability. It is not a matter of social status. It is personal. It is emotional. Let it happen in its own time.

Allow yourself a little “loserdom.” It’s okay if your hair isn’t amazing. It’s okay if your grades aren’t the best. It’s okay if you don’t have a squad. So what if she’s the most popular kid in class? It ends. You grow up. You get your own lives. Don’t get caught up in your high school labels. They don’t last very long.

That kid you thought was an asshole? He works for your country. He’s kind and giving. That girl who dated your crush and was the hottest girl in town? She gets pushed into a life she doesn’t like. She’d give anything to have your freedom of choice. Don’t let yourself get swayed by who people are right now. They change.

You will change too.

You’ll be better. You’ll be kinder. You’ll develop a better sense of fashion. (Thank goodness!) You’ll chase your dreams without being afraid. You’ll fall in love. You’ll get your heart broken. And you know what the best part is? You’ll be strong enough to keep going. You won’t stop.

You’ll find friends who love you for you. You’ll date men who treat you well.

There is so much of life that’s waiting to be lived. And don’t scowl or make a sarcastic remark at that. You think you know it all. But you don’t. You don’t know the beautiful views you’ll fall asleep to. Or the books you’ll read. The words you’ll write. The moments you’ll live.

And on your worst day, you will find yourself. You will find all that you are. It will be chaos.

But you’ll know how to accept that.

This life you’re living, it’s nothing like the one you’ll live. Or the one you want.

So stop the crazy. Enjoy your moments. And let yourself be 15. You only have the rest of your life to be an adult.

Be a teenager today.

And listen to your heart when it says, “Don’t do it.”

With all my love and life lessons,

Yours, 

24-year-old You.

Dear Imelda,

Dear beautiful,

How you doing today? If the answer is great, I’m happy for you. If the answer is bad, let’s fix it. Because I’ve had those days too. And I’d have loved the help too.

I didn’t know how to say these words to you. I’m not the best at giving a speech. So I thought I’d write them down and let you read.

I get it. We may look different but we suffer the same. Whether we’re openly emotional or we dump it within ourselves, we feel the same. Whether we fit into that dress or have to have it custom ordered to our size, we love ourselves the same. With a little doubt. A little insecurity. A lot of wishful thinking.

You may not feel like you’re doing the best you can – at work, at home, in a relationship. You feel unsure. You have those moments when you wonder if anyone cares. And when they do, the acceptance is a task, not easy.

You do all these wonderful things that people compliment you for but you don’t see it. It’s not significant. It’s not changing lives or the world. So you sigh in silence as you hope to be someone else. The TV version of a woman who spends her silent nights, wishing the way you do, to be someone else she sees too. But you don’t know that.

Because how can she be that and this? How can you?

There’s a room filled with paper boxes. Each with a label – Strong, career woman. Submissive, housewife. Opinionated, judgemental. Open-minded, troublesome. Rebel, anti-establishment. Goody two shoes, daddy’s daughter. Abusive, vicious. Abused, liar.

You can only fit into one of these. You can’t be stunning and insecure. You can’t be successful and homely. You can’t have a career and a family. You can’t. You Can’t. YOU CAN’T.

Stop. Stop listening to those voices. Stop letting yourself believe them. Stop underestimating who you can be.

And never stop.

In a world that focuses so much on labelling who you are and what you do, never stop being your authentic self.

Around people who tell you your choice is a mistake, never stop taking chances.

When the ones you love try to hold you back in the name of care, never stop breaking free.

And that dream? The one that you shrug about as nothing but an unrealistic wish when deep within you want it more than anything you could imagine? Never stop chasing it.

This world isn’t a kind place to us. Yes, it’s harsher to some more than others. But that doesn’t make it better. For you to get where he has, you’ll work twice as hard and be overlooked twice as much. Don’t let that keep you down.

Don’t compare who you are to who she is.

She might get ahead of you faster than you got to where you are. Don’t hate her. There are enough people in this world to tear us down. Let it not be ourselves. We need each other today more than ever before. We need each other to fight for ourselves and the ones beside us. The ones who can scream and the ones who succumb. The ones who laugh and the ones who cry.

You may count yourself insignificant in a fight to prove ourselves important. But are you sure? Imagine if we all thought that. Who’d be left? Your voice and your fight matters. You matter. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

So go be that woman.

The one who chooses based on emotion.

The one who dreams beyond reason.

The one who hiccups when she laughs.

The one whose hair tangles with the wind.

The one who can seldom get a candid picture right.

We all have insecurities. We’re all unsure where life leads. We all date that stupid guy. We all fall in love and break our hearts.

Never let someone else’s perspective of who you are affect what you know about yourself. There’s no winning with the ones who are waiting with words that poke and hurt. So take yourself out of their game.

Be outspoken and shy. Be loud and socially awkward. Have an amazing career and a loving family.

It’s not impossible. You’ve seen it. You know it. You just have to believe it.

So go on. Spread those invisible wings and do what you’ve always wanted to do.

If you fly too close to the sun, we’re right here with a lot of cold wind.

With silent wishes and loud compliments,

Me.

Being.imelda