Dear Motherhood🤍🤍🤍….

Dear Motherhood,

This is a collection of ‘one time’s that have made up my entire life; of stories and moments that I will carry with me forever. This is an acknowledgment for your

resilience, for finding everything to give to me even when we had nothing. To your kindness and empathy, for hearing the hurt in my teenage heart, even though I know you had burdens bigger than mine. For the weight in your words that travelled across an ocean to remind me, when I thought that everything had fallen apart, that “everything will work out because it has to.”

Thank you for leading by example, for being a role model and a teacher at the same time. Thank you for your forgiveness and your dedication. For being open-minded and growing with me even when it felt like we were growing apart. I know that the generations between us change the way we see the same problems.

Thank you for answering the phone, even if it had been years since we last spoke. For remembering the dates of my appointments, recitals, games, and tests, because I sure couldn’t.

Thank you for making me one of your dreams while your others waited for me to grow. You have no idea how much your love has nourished me. Because of you, I know how breath in this busy world, how to manage anything that comes my way — good or bad, and how to persevere even when I am afraid to. You taught me that there is no such thing as distance when you are caring for a child and that opportunity is a necessity that you will find anywhere possible, including a foreign country with an unfamiliar language. You are always thinking on your feet and teaching me to walk without even realizing it.

Because of you, I know my worth.

Thank you for guiding people into my life when you had to leave. Thank you for teaching me how to pray, and for always being the angel to hear me. God knows I could not have done any of this without your spirit guiding me. Thank you for teaching me patience, continuously. Through you, I know that I can still be calm in rough waters and that I can listen even if I don’t like what I hear. Thank you for showing me love as deep as this. Before you, I didn’t think anything in the world could feel as magical as your care. You taught me what kind of love I deserve and the power of the love that I can give.

Thank you for finding me when I couldn’t find myself — when I needed you most. For changing my life; for making it bigger. You have taught me that I can live on beyond my years and that every moment mattered because it brought me to you. Our connection will never severe, for I came from you, and through you, I will live on.

Motherhood does not exclude you from heartache and pain (exhale); it amplifies it. The emotional agony and pain that you will endure as a mother is unlike any you’ve ever experienced. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, babies and children do bring so much joy into our lives, but there will be moments when life rips the joy from your hands and replaces it with worry, despair, and agonizing heartache.

Dear Motherhood, I owe you everything that I am.💛

You’re one today son❤️

To my dear son, the beautiful boy who made me a mother. Today you are one.

My Sweet Buddy, You’re a year old today. A whole 365 days. I just can’t get over those words. I start to cry every time I think about it, maybe because I don’t want you to grow up so fast but also because it’s been such a rollercoaster of a year. Those tears are mostly happy, joyful tears, but a little sad, too. I look back at our first year together and see the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Motherhood changed my heart in ways I never saw coming.

I’ve already wished you Happy Birthday about 10 times since you woke up, and you still don’t know what on earth I’m talking about.

I had a gut feeling you were a boy from the beginning. There’s just some things that a Mama knows, and that was one of them for me. We didn’t find out if you were a boy or girl until you were born, but I had already bonded with you, my son, before your birth day. Your daddy and I always prayed for you , Buddy. Looking back now, I wouldn’t change a single minute in our journey, because the Lord knew what a precious, wonderful gift He was giving us. It was worth every second of waiting. You were worth every hard day of waiting for a baby.

On this, your first birthday, I can’t help but remember where I was a year ago today.

Back where it all began

You were born late on a Wednesday afternoon. I had spent the whole day in labour. Oh yes, you took your time to arrive, but my goodness, you were worth the wait.

You clung to me as soon as you were put on my arms. You had a gruff, throaty cry, but my heartbeat quieted you, and your breathing gradually slowed to match it. You knew instinctively that I was your heart, your centre, your home. I had known for months that I was a life source, but from the second you arrived that abstract concept became solid, breathing reality. I had never felt more alive or vital.

This first year of being your mum has been a wild, exhausting and exuberant ride. I have learnt more about myself than I ever thought possible.

You have changed our little family forever with your mere existence. Your life has accentuated and added layers to the person I was before, and to your Dad too. It’s as if I viewed the world in black and white, and I now see the world as if through your eyes, in vivid colour.

What you’ve taught me

This first year of your life has been a remarkable year of developmental leaps, milestones and ‘almosts.’ Yes, almosts. The milestones are exciting, but for some reason it’s the things you’re still learning to do that resonate most with me.

You’ve been trying to walk for the last couple of months; standing and putting wobbly steps together. Learning to walk is a monumental task, but I never see you discouraged by your perpetually failed attempts to take steps. Each time you fall again on your bottom, you seem calm, unfazed and so wise somehow. You know you’ll get there. You’re not in a rush.

My son, I can learn so much from your patience, courage and consistency. I’m constantly trying to rush things, impatiently looking towards the place I want to be professionally, creatively and relationally. I’m a perfectionist, so I often want to get it right the first or at least the second time. But the 34th time? Well, you wouldn’t catch me around after that many failed attempts.

There’s so much untapped potential inside you, waiting to spring into life.

Some you’ll discover in the next months and years, and others will wait five decades to be realised. This is the beautiful mystery of life and learning.

I love watching something new break through the surface, a unique, quirky interest or habit that becomes synonymous with your personality. You’re a true individual. You don’t know what comparison is. You have no interest in grades, standards or meeting developmental milestones ‘on time’.

I can promise you this, my Miles: I promise to treasure every second from here on out. I promise to truly experience those moments. Even when it’s hard, and even when you’re so fussy that I just want to scream. Even on the hardest of days, I’m going to remember every second, every emotion, every fear, and every joy. I’m going to savor every new thing  you do and every milestone we reach. Sometimes life happens way too fast for my heart and soul to process, but I’m going to do all that I can to make those first days up to you. I promise to never wish a day with you away. You’ve taught me more in a year than I ever imagined–you saved my life and gave me back a life that is truly joy-filled and worth living.

For you, life is simple.

You have your priorities in order and know what you need. Love, hugs, quality time and space by yourself to explore. Food, water, sleep. Time spent outdoors with your feet and hands on the earth, and your skin kissed by the sun. Songs and stories. More hugs.

You see life as a wonderful opportunity to experience joy, to be curious at every opportunity, to love intensely, to trust and be trusted, to find intimacy, to belong to a family and a community. You inspire me.

Darling boy of mine, thank you for this first year. Thank you for teaching me and being patient with me. Thank you for your unconditional love, and your sloppy kisses.

Today is going to be a big celebration. I’ll try not to cry too much, but if they do come, I promise they’re happy tears. You’re the best thing that ever happened to us, Miles J Odegi. Thank you, Jesus, for this little life. 

I’ll love you forever, and beyond.

Your Mum 💜🤍💛xxx

Happy second birthday son💜💜.

To my dear, sweet Baby Boy:

I can’t believe you’re turning two! It seems like just yesterday your Dad and I brought you home from the hospital. The past two years have flown by with a speed that can only happen when you’re having fun. And we have LOTS of fun. You constantly keep your Dad and me laughing. You crack us up in that way that every parent knows — those adorable and hilarious things you do that make us chuckle with wonder and amazement and pure amusement.

During your first year, I was mostly just in awe of you.

I couldn’t believe you were mine. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to get to be your Mommy. But we’ve really gotten to know each other over this past year as you’ve grown into your own little person. And I am still constantly amazed by you. I love watching you learn and explore. I am so intrigued by the things you say and do, the way you see the world. It makes me see everything with fresh eyes, and that is such a gift. I can’t count the times you’ve simultaneously made my heart practically explode with love and also made me want to bawl like a baby. Because I know this phase — the precious fleeting time with you as my baby — will be gone in a flash.

The past two years with you have brought me so much joy and contentment.

I’ve grown into a purpose that I never knew before I was a mother. You’ve taught me to stop striving for tomorrow and be present today. And I’ve learned to slow down because I don’t want to miss one second of the precious little time I have with you. I want to soak it all in, even the hard parts. Because, amidst the everyday routine, when I least expect it, you will look at me and say ” Mama” or you’ll cuddle with me on the couch during your favorite cartoon or “cheers” me with your sippy cup at dinner. And I want to be paying attention for those moments. I want to be present for them and remember them forever.

You’ve shown me the true meaning of happiness and fulfillment.

You’ve helped me reach a place where life just flows, the good and the bad, and I don’t have any need to analyze or search for happiness, or strive for anything. All I have to do is tend to what is right in front of me: to love you well and be present with you for every fleeting moment we have together. You’ve taught me that my most important and meaningful job in this life is to embrace each moment, to step up to what each moment is asking of me with courage and grace and my full attention.

I want you to know, my sweet baby boy, that I think of you constantly.

I check on you throughout the night, I wonder how you’re doing at home during the day while I’m at work. I fret over whether you’re eating enough nutritious food, getting enough social interaction, enough learning time and time outside to roam and play. I dream about your future, and I pray that you have a wonderful childhood, and grow into a smart, kind, and generous man. And most of all, I hope you always know how much you are loved.

Thank you for teaching me so much in these two years we’ve had together. I hope that I can model and teach these same things to you as you grow into a boy and a man and you find your way in this life. You are the sweetest, silliest boy I know and it has been one of the greatest joys of my life to watch you learn and grow. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for you!

Happy birthday, sweet baby! I love you.