Hey,
I thought you felt it too. I thought you meant every word, every smile and every laughter. We had a connection, or did we? Did you feel it too? Cause i felt every compliment, the little things you did and everything in between. I felt it all.
I knew you were different or i still believe it. I know I’m sensitive and fragile and i tend to over think things especially when i notice the slight change of mood but i assume you know that already cause what we were good at was being open with one another.
You were conny and goofy and nasty and my favorite person. You knew how to lighten the mood, you knew what to say and when to say it. You were like my mirror looking back right at me and i believed that’s what i wanted for the rest of my life. Like i always told you, you were my answered prayer.
When i decided to give you my body, I knew that is what i wanted cause it was for the right cause or at least i felt like we had something we needed to explore and figure out what it was. I have no regrets about it and i hope you don’t as well cause that will break me i swear.
It’s been more than 10hrs that we haven’t spoke which i guess is the longest hour ever since we crossed each others path. Our last conversation wasn’t lively or let me say it didn’t feel like you. I told you i feel everything and i notice even the slightest things. Is it that you are tired? Is it that you want to think things through? Is it me? Did i do something to offend you? Is what we did making you have guilty conscience? What is it? If there’s something i can’t handle is the silent treatment and being in the dark. Did any of what we had mean anything to you? Or you were just satisfying your ego.
Like i said i over think things too much and now my mind is racing with a bunch of questions of what may have gone wrong. I really don’t let people in, i take alot of time and when i choose you, i choose you all the way. With you it was different, it was a spontaneous attraction. Was i supposed to deny myself the chance of feeling something? I decided to take the highroad and explore what the future had instored for me and that was you. Did i make a mistake? I don’t know. I still took my chances knowing that maybe this wasn’t real and that we got caught up with our unsettled feelings.
You were my favorite notification or maybe still is. You blew up my phone and made me smile so much, something i hadn’t felt in a while and now i miss all that. You gave me something to look upto everyday. What we had was special.Remember how you used to call my name in excitement both in person and in text, i miss all that and your emojis made my heart race abit.
Where do i stand now in your life? I’m i being paranoid and taking things too fast? I’m sorry my bad. Probably it’s because you are a rare gem and that i wanted you for myself. It’s obvious that i like you and you already know that but with the change in mood probably it’s not just like, it’s beyond like.I really don’t know if you feel the same way but I’d be really glad if you did.
Please return my texts and let me know what’s up. Remember when i asked you if you are here to stay and you said it depends. That answer really did hurt a bit but i thank you for being frank with me. I get attached too soon and maybe i misunderstood the sign. I’ve been hurt pretty bad before and i just want to guard my heart from going through the same cause i don’t know if I’ll make it out this time or maybe it’s too late.
Please let me in in whatever it is you are thinking i promise I’ll stay just like i had promised before. I asked you not to change, to be constant cause i loved what i saw and i hope you’ll keep it that way. All you are giving is small talk something unlike you and I’m still trying to wonder what’s wrong and even if i ask you about it, i am not getting any feedback from you.
Is it space you need,do you want me to stay away cause trust you me it won’t be easy but i will if that is what it takes for you to be okay. I miss you,i really do but there’s nothing i can do about it right now. Don’t push me away cause that’s exactly what you are doing and trust you me not even words can explain how broken i feel right now. But you know what, I’ve been through this road before and the signs are familiar too. Probably this was my destiny and i shouldn’t blame you whatsoever.
We can’t force anyone to stay when they don’t want to. We can’t make people feel things that they don’t feel so may be i understand that probably you are not the problem but i am for expecting too much from you. Kindly don’t plant flowers when you are not ready to water them cause they’ll die, just like i feel right now. But I’ll be fine cause there’s always a second chance called tomorrow.You were great, perfect and one of the few best souls. Thank you for the smiles, the laughter, the hugs and the good memories.
Yours,
Being.imelda
being.imelda 